Get This Over With


Okay, let’s just get this over with, shall we?  My weigh-in on Saturday was terrible.  I expected it, after a week of overeating and skipping workouts, but that didn’t make it any easier to swallow.  I gained 2.4 pounds, up to 207.4.

Gah. I hate even typing that!  How embarrassing.  I am only 10 pounds under my highest weight ever, 217 pounds.

The only good news is, I finally feel disgusted enough that I know I need to something.  Talking isn’t going to do a damn thing.  I am living proof of that.

I have no excuses for this past week.  My stepkids were home, but don’t worry, I’m not going to blame them for my own choices.  All I can say is, with the kids home, my husband cooked more, and he is a wonderful cook…everything fried, dipped in Ranch dressing, or topped with bacon!  Delicious, yes.  Particularly conducive to weight loss, hell no.

Time for change.  Real change, not just yapping about it.  A friend of mine shared this today, and its timing was perfect:


How true.  How can I expect change when I keep doing the same stupid things, making the same poor food choices, keep the same unhealthy routine?  I can’t. Obviously.

I signed up for Spinning class this evening to get this week off to a good start.  It’s time to take control of my life, my health, my weight.  Time to take responsibility, time to own it, time to start doing what I keep saying I will do: lose this damn weight and get in shape!


What Is This Crap?

Searching for motivational weight loss images and quotes today, I came across this:


I am not sharing this because I like it.  Quite the opposite.  I think it’s pandering, trite, asinine bullshit.

What is the main message to this crap?  That I should lose weight so that I don’t lose my easily straying man, who, according to the creator of this steaming pile of excrement, is so busy ogling other women that he won’t notice if I lose weight anyway?

In a nutshell, this image and its accompanying wordy (and un-proofread) text boils down to: (1) all women are petty, jealous bitches ferociously competing in a global beauty contest of epic proportions, apparently launching into cave-woman style MMA matches to declare ownership of someone’s man, and (2) all men are immature assholes constantly and hopelessly on the prowl for another woman, any woman but the one he is with, to check out and caress hungrily with his lusty eyes.

So, to answer the oft-repeated question above: no, I’m not okay with it.  With any of it.  I am not motivated by the concept of alluring other women’s dates to eye me up, thank you, and quite frankly, if my husband felt the need to “check out” other women as regularly as is implied in this moronic image, then he would not be my husband for very long. Luckily, I didn’t settle for an immature boy-child.

Maybe this image is the end-all, light-a-fire motivation for someone.  Not me.  Too insulting and catty and high-school-drama-ish for me.   But I don’t like images or quotes, in general, that assume all women want to lose weight just so they can wear bikinis, meet society’s approval, and preen and hope everyone is staring at them and deeming them tiny enough.  I prefer an emphasis on being strong, being fit, dominating, conquering, overcoming.  Making yourself proud.  Proving you can do it.


Now, those are much better!

19-Year-Old Me

Random things occasionally pop into my head when I am driving, singing along to the radio, perhaps treating lucky fellow drivers to some wicked dance moves at a red light.  Sitting at a traffic light the other day, though, I wasn’t dancing.  I was thinking about my stepson, the upheaval he’s dealt with since leaving a ridiculously toxic home and coming to live with us, rapid-fire changes in his life, trying to learn basic things he should have been shown and taught years ago.

I remembered myself at 19…wasn’t that 100 years ago?  And then the question suddenly danced into my brain: what would the 19-year-old me think of the current me?

To be honest, I think she would be disgusted.  Horrified.  At 19, of course I still had youth on my side, but I was also very active, played sports, ran, walked everywhere, was quick to take up an offer to play basketball or go running with one of my brothers.

If someone would have told the 19-year-old me that someday, in her 40’s, she would be overweight and out of shape, she would have scoffed, waved that person off, and dismissed it as silly.  She would never be one of those dumpy, chubby middle-aged women who just stopped caring what they look like!

Well, here we are.  I didn’t stop caring what I look like, but I sure let stress, a hectic schedule, and just plain laziness do their damage.  It’s embarrassing to realize and admit exactly what I have done to myself, and how long I have let it go.

I must cut myself some slack, though.  The 19-year-old me would be proud to see this adorable house, our yard, all the work and sweat we’ve put into all of it.  She would marvel at the beautiful relationship I have with my husband, and be amazed at all the jealous hissing and spitting I’ve put up with yet still manage to be a kickass stepmom.  She would smile about how far I’ve climbed at work, and how much everyone at home and at work depends on me, because they all know I can and will get it done, no matter what it is.

It’s not that I want to turn back the hands of time and be 19 again.  I’ve never been one of those people who dwells on the past or pines away for lost days.  I just want to be strong and fit again.  I will never have my 19-year-old body again, and that’s fine.  The body I have now just needs more love and care than I’ve shown it in a long time.




crickets-its-quiet-too-quietI’m not the only one who is quiet lately!  Where is everyone?  No one is updating their blogs, commenting, or showing any signs of life.  I’m about to send out a search party for my blog friends!

I finally had a loss, albeit a very small one, only 0.2 of a pound.  I know what I am doing wrong, though: still eating too much, and not working out enough.

Last week, I skipped at least two workouts.  This week, I’ve already skipped a day or two.  I don’t know why I’m finding it so hard to get traction, move forward, instead of ending up rolled over and upside down in a ditch.

No matter what, I will work out this evening.  I need to go through my workout DVD’s and search videos online, find workouts that look fun, motivate myself to actually want to try them out.


I relate to this!